Posted by Richard Harland Smith on November 15, 2013
Oooh, I’m spoiling for a fight today… a real knock-down, dust-up, take-no-prisoners, no-quarter-given, apocalyptic barney. My knuckles are itching to bite into a set of teeth and my teeth are itching to lay into a row of knuckles. I won’t be satisfied until I dissolve in a flurry of biffery, until I drink blood — mine or yours — and if you want to be the one to set me off here’s all you have to do…
Tell me how awesome you think Pre-Code cinema is but that the name Ned Sparks doesn’t ring a bell.
Tell me how you feel John Wayne is “a limited actor.”
Tell me the only Joan Blondell movie you’ve seen is GREASE (1978).
Tell me how you think CITIZEN KANE (1941) is “overrated.”
Tell me how Breck Eisner’s remake of George Romero’s THE CRAZIES (1973) improves upon the original. Come in real close and tell me that. And smile.
Tell me how “finding out Rock Hudson was gay ruined all of his movies” for you.
Go over again where you pre-ordered HALLOWEEN II (1981) on Blu-ray but still haven’t gotten around to seeing THE UNINVITED (1944).
Tell me again how you feel THE FLY (1959) “has camp value.”
Tell me Aline MacMahon wasn’t the shiz.
Explain again how “George Bailey was a whiner.” And then just cheat your face a little towards me.
Refer to Herbert Lom as “that guy from the Pink Panther movies!”
Mistake a snide allusion to Dana Andrews’ alcoholism for film criticism.
Tell me more about how Joss Whedon is a genius but you don’t know who this is.
Tell me again that Harry Cooper was right. Just tell me. No, wait… let’s go down into the cellar. You can tell me there.
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