Ad nauseam!

Posted by Richard Harland Smith on June 4, 2010

One of the things Hollywood really knew how to do, apart from making stars and making movies, was sell stuff. The behind-the-scenes deal-making is worthy of a book of its own but for the purposes of this piddling blog post I’m talking about celebrities who loaned themselves out or whose images were used without their approval as product pitchmen, hawking everything from cigarettes to radial tires to RC Cola to convection ovens. The magazine ads from this era are as lovely as the movies themselves and I never get tired of looking at them. They’re so romantic and lush and seductive that they almost have me jones-ing for a Chesterfield.

Are we seriously expected to believe that George Sanders drank Blatz? Do you think the urbane, well-traveled (born in Russia, died in Spain – that’s class!) and not infrequently droll Sanders even cared what the best beer in Milwaukee was… or that he ever actually deigned to speak aloud the words “Blatz” or “Milwaukee” in his lifetime? I don’t! It’s easier to imagine the equally worldly Peter Lorre wearing starchy Van Heusen shirts but from my understanding of his character offscreen he wasn’t really a shirt and tie guy… and I doubt very much whether he worried about wrinkles. Okay, maybe Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck drank Royal Crown Cola and maybe Ronald Reagan got a jump on “the Merriest Christmas any smoker can have” by lighting up an unfiltered Chesterfield and giftwrapping cartons of those “always mild, better tasting” coffin nails to his red-baiting pals at HUAC and maybe Camels agreed with Joan Crawford‘s throat but ultimately it’s the fact that I don’t believe any of these endorsements that makes the ads so compelling, so endearing, so evocative of a time in which charm and sparkle could sell anything, to anybody. It’s the sheer lunacy of the pitch, of the matching of product and spokesperson and the overreaching of the ad copy that seals the deal. Being a lifelong non-smoker, bloated claims about the freshness of cigarette smoking always tickles my irony bone, as do the boasts of medical safety from “noted specialists.”

This magazine ad for five-cent Robert Burns Cigarillos features Mr. and Mrs. Humphrey Bogart in a nautical tableau that amounts to little more than a testimonial for sex. That’s what the ad is all about, from stem to stern. Everything else – the romantic maritime setting, Bogart’s famous 55 foot yacht Santana (bought from Dick Powell), even the top tier Hollywood power couple at the helm – are all just tiles in an advertising mosaic celebrating gettin’ it on. Smoke Cigarillos, the ad promises, and you too can have wall-to-wall, 24/7 humptyhump on land, on sea, in air… wherever you want, whenever you want. Of course, ads have long camped onto human sexuality as a motivator for conspicuous consumption so this is no surprise or revelation… but it’s just funny to see Bogie and Bacall co-opted for the purpose of and seemingly cooperative with what is essentially consumer porn. Do I shock you? Look where Mr. Bogart’s left hand is, look what it’s doing! He’s ready! He’s rigid! (And not for nothing but his shirt is blue, the color of unsated engorgement.) Mrs. Bogart’s sporty ensemble has a prominent black vaginal V right up front that practically slaps you across the face and screams mons veneris. Her old man is so certain of 100%, money back, guaranteed satisfaction that he’s already smoking! This ad has everything… Attraction, Copulation and Afterglow in one fell swoop – and tell ‘em Cigarillos sent you!

Being a MonsterKid, Boris Karloff could get me to buy just about anything – but shaving cream? It’s hard to picture Karloff the Uncanny doing something as mundane as lathering up – I could easily imagine him looking in a mirror and his stubble jumping off his chin from sheer fright. But then again, few actors understood the damage done by heavy make-up better than the star of FRANKENSTEIN (1931), THE MUMMY (1933) and THE RAVEN (1935). Late in life, Karloff did an amusing TV ad for Ronson Comet lighters but I wish there was a spot for this one. I’d kill to hear him actually say “My face gets so tender that I must avoid irritating shaving creams.” Can’t you just hear his trademark lisp on “I always insist on Williams – it never stings or burns.”

Celebrities are still hawking stuff to buy but the magic has gone out of it and the artistry, too. Just as movie posters now are a pale, PhotoShopped shadow of their former illustrative selves, so star endorsements for products of varying quality have degraded. (For the sake of full disclosure, I actually love the Rosey Grier ad for Pabst Blue Ribbon here on the left but I’m pretending – shhh – that I don’t because it serves the purpose of my essential argument.) There was something about the warm colors of vintage celebrity ads – they were like hand-tinted postcards, like Technicolor windows into an idealized past where glamor ruled as a beneficent potentate, where there was a party every night and we were all invited, where Kirk Douglas might bum a smoke or Hedy Lamar might pour you a Schaefer or Dick Powell might say “Pass the Worcestershire sauce” and, hey, the cops arrested Broderick Crawford again – guess why! The thought that we might be a little closer to Hollywood and the stars by virtue of the fact that we drank the same beverages, ate the same foods, chewed the same gum, did the same things that were bad for us as famous people did was enough for us to go on back then… just enough to lift us out of the doldrums of our average lives, allow us to dream a little that we were living big. They were more innocent times, I think. Booze-fueled, smoke-filled, happy-go-lucky times. We will not see their like again… but at least we always have the movies. And the star endorsements from old magazines that, if you look at them online as I do, don’t have that musty smell.

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17 Responses Ad nauseam!

Posted By suzidoll : June 4, 2010 12:10 pm

I love these old ads, too. I have one of Rhonda Fleming advertising some soap from the 1950s. It looks terrific hanging on my kitchen wall. I like the way most of them reflect or even expand the stars’ onscreen images, which is what makes the George Sanders ad interesting. Blatz Beer certainly does not reflect his image.

Posted By Allen Hefner : June 4, 2010 2:05 pm

You could take this a step further. It’s no secret that many famous actors and actresses got their start as models for ads. The recently departed Gary Coleman was a cutie in his early ads, before joining AFTRA. How about John Travolta in 1973 Bandaid ads, with a jingle written by Barry Manilow? Of course, Jodie Foster started out as the Coppertone girl. I bet there are a lot more out there. This could start a whole new collecting craze!

Posted By Chuck Klaus : June 4, 2010 2:13 pm

Amazing to think that George Sanders, he of the most cultivated performance personna of the 50′s & 60′s, would be embraced by the plebian beer industry of mid-century America! One would have thought that he would have ben aproached by a wine or whiskey concern…

Posted By NCeddie : June 4, 2010 2:37 pm

…of a time in which charm and sparkle could sell anything, to anybody.

I like that line. I didn’t know I noticed those kind of ads until they disappeared, and I miss them– and the former sparkle and charm of Hollywood. As a kid, if we went downtown to see a movie, Dad would be wearing a white shirt, tie and jacket. Mom would be wearing a string of pearls, nylons and heels. After the show, as we walked from beneath the flashing neon marquee, there would be one more treat. Dad would drive to the Dairy Bar and we’d enjoy an after-cinema sundae before going home. Nowadays, ads roll out only down-and-dirty in-your-face ultra-casualness (dare I say grunge). Pop culture dangles nothing before us to which to (if only momentarily) aspire.

Posted By franko : June 4, 2010 2:52 pm

. . . dang! I need to find me some of those Robt. Burns cigarillo’s! Wowie!!

Posted By Julie : June 4, 2010 3:18 pm

I could look at these for hours. Here’s a great place to do so: http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/.

My infinitely wonderful boyfriend bought me an old Chesterfield ad with Rita Hayworth that is not hanging on our wall. It wasn’t a totally selfless act, though – he’s a pretty big fan of Ms. Hayworth himself!

Posted By MrBenchley : June 8, 2010 10:41 am

I too have one of these ads hanging as art….mine (from a New Yorker in the 1950s) is eerily similar to the George Sanders ad, except it features Joan Crawford (clutching a small white dog of the yappy kind), Mike “Touch” Connors, and Jack Palance (grinning somewhat dementedly) all drinking Rheingold the dry beer.

Posted By Medusa : June 8, 2010 12:04 pm

Hotcha! Love that Bogart and Bacall ad! A long time ago here I wrote about how Bogart used to open his boat up to fellow mariners for a drink…and a cigar, perhaps??

The illusion of “everydayness” with a rich star hawking stuff — very different from today when so many stars still hawk things but away from the eyes of American audiences. Nowadays the internet has blown the lid off all those secret Japanese & European (and elsewhere)commercials made by so many contemporary celebrities. That’s a lot more sneaky than these old Hollywood ads which were such a part of U.S. commercial culture.

Great post, RHS!

Posted By rhsmith : June 8, 2010 4:57 pm

I wish I’d have included the great ad with Marlene Dietrich pushing “Rheingold, the dry beer!” But you can’t have everything, can you?

Posted By Neville A. Ross : June 13, 2010 9:17 am

Sorry, but I’ll take a current star in a current ad (when they do it) over these fake bullcrap ads of stars hawking products they most likely never used. And I’ll take living NOW over living then, thank you very much, Medusa.

Posted By Richard Harland Smith : June 13, 2010 10:35 am

Decaf, Neville… decaf.

Posted By Neville A. Ross : June 13, 2010 11:26 am

Sorry, but I don’t drink coffee or tea. And I’m just stating an opinion.

Posted By Kelli Marshall : June 13, 2010 2:59 pm

Your analysis of the Bogart/Bacall ad is cracking me up, e.g., “He’s ready! He’s rigid!” I completely agree. In fact, I’ve recently written an academic essay on Bogart’s star image; one section considers some of his promotional materials, the above ad included, and how they consistently reinforce his tough-guy persona (see excerpt below). Enjoyed reading your post!

“These magazines not only contain essays by or about Bogart, but also advertisements that further showcase the star’s assertive, strong image. A 1951 ad for Cigarillos, which includes caricatures of both Bogart and Bacall on a boat, illustrates this. Although Bacall is in the forefront of the advertisement and is evidently the one speaking (‘I love to see a man smoke a Cigarillo’), Bogart’s command and potency are still obvious as he sits at the captain’s wheel of his boat, firmly in control. As well, with Cigarillo in hand and eyes fixed on his wife, he is positioned here as the sort of man who can attract such a striking (and young) woman as Bacall.”

Posted By Bit Part Blogger : June 16, 2010 10:41 am

Just for fun, I checked eBay for lots of old magazines. http://tinyurl.com/2a5fmn7 is a lot of 14 Life mags from 1946, but its a little expensive. They include a pic of a John Wayne ad for Worcestershire sauce that he uses to make tomato cocktails. It actually fits his character in Angel and the Badman, mentioned in the ad, since he is saved by a Quaker family. Fun!

Posted By Jenni : June 18, 2010 12:26 am

I have noticed that young actresses of today, ages 16-30, are especially prominent in ads aimed at my teen daughter, hawking make-up and hair care products. Now that I think about this, older actresses are hawking the same products to women in my age group, too! Funny post, and I especially got an ironic kick out of Ronald Reagan wrapping up cigarettes as Christmas gifts! My kids quickly point out smokers on old tv shows I watch, like Twilight Zone or The Andy Griffith Show. They point out the offenders as if they are puppy killers. Times have definitely changed with how smoking and smokers are treated in the USA compared with how they and the habit were treated in the 50′s.

Posted By herald7 : July 4, 2010 3:02 pm

Love the Peter Lorre ad, but you’re right, in rael life he seemed a bit too hip for starched shirts, lol.

Posted By TCM's Classic Movie Blog : July 29, 2010 6:42 pm

[...] sold by Peter Lorre or Charlton Heston. My fellow Morlock Richard Harland Smith recently wrote a wonderful piece about these celebrity advertisements that I find so fascinating. But even more surprising is coming [...]

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