Unparalleled neatness

Posted by rhsmith on September 12, 2008

If you read Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine during the 1960s, you’ll be familiar with this ad or others like it. The back pages of that wonderful publication (the abnormal brainchild of Forrest J. Ackerman, the original fanboy) were filled with ads for all kinds of curios and grotesqueries offered mail order from the Philadelphia-based outfit Captain Company. Flipping these pages was like being in The Circus of Dr. Lao – it was a secret world of unparalleled neatness, from back issues (oh, how I studied those thumbnail covers, imagining the manifest horrors pressed between their pages) to werewolf rings (designed, I think, to repelwerewolves) to 8mm movie projectors and a wealth of monster movie “cutdowns” (4 and 12 minute silent versions of the classic monster films) to genuine (it seemed) “crawling hands” to 7′ Frankenstein monsters (turns out it was just a poster with glow-in-the-dark dots to stick on his eyes) and masks, masks, masks.

I couldn’t afford the princely sums asked for the masks sold in the back of Famous Monsters (some of the Don Post masks cost $35! Did my Dad even make that much in a year?) but I could dream. And I could stare, and stare I did at these ads for hours, for days, slackjawed on my bed both before and after lights out, dreaming of what it must be like to own one of these Latex wonders, imagining the sensual pleasure of slipping it over my own head and of disappearing into the creature in question, be it “Shock Monster” or “The Werewolf” or the copyrighted “Creature from the Black Lagoon.” Yet even at the early age of 12 or 13, I had a practical side… I knew there was no sense in buying a MUMMY or CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON or MOLE PEOPLE mask without the accompanying full-body suit. So those masks were out, leaving THE WOLFMAN as my first pick (all I needed was a pair of khaki slacks – chinos would do in a pinch – and a rugged workshirt) or possibly THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (at the age of 12, I already fit into my Dad’s tuxedo). Not that I could ever afford these treasures but I had to have a plan.

There was a discount store in my home town that sold, around Halloween, masks like the cheapies you could also find in the magazine, which went for about $3 a throw. These were not “whole head” masks but what they called “over the top” models, which covered your face and the top of your head. They were okay and we could afford them. My best friend Danny got “Teenage Wolfman,” his sister Mary-Ann got “Vampire Girl” and I got “The Ghoul.” (For Halloween, I added to this green-and-gray monstrosity a Styrofoam top hat that my sister made during her shift at Preferred Plastics for a dash of Continental elegance.) We were quite an Unholy Three on our half mile walk home from downtown, through the neighborhoods and under the highway underpass and back along the rural routes to our hilltop community – we must have looked like an early version of The Firefly Clan from THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. I like to think now what passing motorists must have thought when they saw us walking three abreast along a narrow strip of backroad two-lane, our monstrous “faces” pointed towards a spot on the horizon they couldn’t know. Did we amuse them? Did we disturb them? Did they sneak a look into their rear-view mirrors to see if we’d still be there? Did we haunt their dreams? Did they tell anyone about us?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, that was $3 well spent.

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11 Responses Unparalleled neatness

Posted By YancySkancy : September 12, 2008 1:45 pm

Oh, I used to love that magazine. I wanted everything in it, but never got anything. I wouldn’t have known where to begin even if I’d had the money.

The magazine spurred my fascination with the classic horror films before I’d even seen most of them. Thanks for the reminder.

That Vampire Girl mask reminds me a bit of Marilyn Manson. :)

Posted By Frank Lehn : September 12, 2008 1:48 pm

We must be around the same age. When I was 12 or 13 I used to regularly get chased out of our small town local drug store for spending an abnormal amount of time hanging around the magazine section reading Famous Monsters (I couldn’t afford to buy ‘em). I too was fascinated by these masks – gosh, don’t they look life-like in the ads!

Thanks for stirring up these old memories.

Frank :o{-

Posted By RHS : September 12, 2008 2:08 pm

When I was 12 or 13 I used to regularly get chased out of our small town local drug store for spending an abnormal amount of time hanging around the magazine section reading Famous Monsters

The proprietors of Dowe’s Card and Gift Shop (which had a magazine stand) used to urge me out of the “adults only” section – why? We had all these magazines at home – on the coffee table!) on Main Street in Danielson, CT, but monsters were fair game. Either that or the store keepers just didn’t know they had a monster section.

Posted By Medusa : September 12, 2008 2:23 pm

RHS, you’d have been your very own “Monster in Pants” in your chinos, workshirt and Wolfman mask! Can’t get better than that, except that top hat!

Posted By Fred : September 12, 2008 9:52 pm

Yeah, nothing revives those kid-hood memories like those FM ads. I never got a mask from them either, but the ads are like old pals.

I use a lot of the FM stuff on my other blog, http://www.MonsterMemories.blogspot.com. Visit me sometime!

Oh, and The Time Machine is my favorite sci-fi film by far. I’ll be blogging on the Morlocks soon myself.

Keep up the great work!

Posted By Pierre Fournier : September 13, 2008 2:27 am

Let’s be precise. Famous Monsters was the brainchild of publisher James Warren. His second greatest idea was hiring Forry Ackerman as editor.

Ackerman gave FM its voice. He was the ultimate collector and the Uber Fan who shared his passion for monster movies. His contribution was essential, indispensable, it cannot be underestimated, but now that we are all grown up and a tiny bit wiser, it’s time we gave Jim Warren his deserved, equal share of the credit for “The Worlds First Film Monster Magazine”.

Warren picked the covers we admired and hired the artists to paint them, he chose the article subjects and their length, he picked every picture we drooled over and he personally laid out every page of every issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland. Then, everything was shipped cross-country to FJA who filled in the words. It made the package complete.

And by the way, since we are waxing nostalgic for the cool ads in FM, lets not forget that it was Warren who created and ran the mail order business out of his office (first in Philadelphia, then in New York). He chose every mask, paperback, 8MM movie and rubber bat that was ever offered for sale, and he wrote the ad copy himself.

Warren was perfectly content letting Ackerman be the star of Famous Monsters, he admired how FJA connected with the readers, but the magazine was really the work of these two men. It was a collaborative effort. It was Forry Ackerman AND Jim Warren, together, who made us all Monster Kids.

Posted By RHS : September 13, 2008 2:31 am

Yeah, what he said.

Posted By Kevin : September 13, 2008 9:14 am

Wonderful memories that I cherish. I have tons of this stuff cluttering my office, but love it all.

Posted By Mr.Sardonicus : September 15, 2008 9:27 pm

I had subscriptions to both fameous monsters & monster world in those days.. the best one they put out was the one that featured the makeup designs for the wolfman & weirdo & some new type of frankenstein make-up that was experimental that i never tried.. I was in my freshman year of highschool in 65′ & I did the wolf-man for our halloween school dance 7 it was very effective..I really liked that book with all the makeup designs in it. really wish i had it today.. I still have FM#1 & several issues of Castle of Frankenstein to this day!!! I also remember sending for the Werewolf kit from Captain & Co. those werw some great ads… thanks so much for the memories…

Posted By Sfcmacret : September 16, 2008 12:51 am

You know I thought that I was like one of the few that would stare at the back of the Famous Monsters Mag. and think the same thing,I mean hours at looking at the stuff in back pages. Wishing I had the money to buy the things like the masks and vampire teeth etc… I’m 55 now and until I ran across this blog I had forgotten that great time in my life. Thanks so much for jogging my memory.

Posted By Ratfink : September 17, 2008 12:37 am

I loved FMOF mag and bought one whenever possible. Great reading material for school! All the kids were into it as well, so the mag got passed around plenty. Wish they were still around today! The movies are timeless.

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